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We’ve all been there, “You know what your problem is mate. You’re too sensitive.” Sensitivity is a personality trait. Though often framed as negative it is not. It is neutral. The difficulty comes when we perceive aggressions that are not there and when those who are aggressive do not immediately confess. In business stick with the word ‘I’ when describing behaviour. If your boss is brusque to the point of being insensitive describe what you feel in that moment, “I’m sorry Chad, but I feel as though you are being aggressive, which makes me think I have done something wrong. If I have done something wrong, please can you help me understand what that is.” Having a conversation like that with your boss may be impossible to imagine. So here is a neat trick to try it out. Those first twelve words are the key. Practice them at home. Get to the point where your delivery of them is automatic, unemotional, clear and concise. Don’t get so good that you forget the rest! Practice the whole thing. The reason I draw attention to the first twelve words, is because once they have fallen from your mouth there is no way back. The hard part is done. The discussion is started. The way your boss responds is key: - Aggressive - “You’re too sensitive etc.” Here you will need to establish a boundary without accusing them of more aggression, “It’s possible I am being too sensitive, but I felt I needed to let you know how your words affected me.”
- Apologetic – If they respond with an apology but fail to address the issue, address it yourself in the moment, or make a mental note to address it later.
- Honest - If their shoulders drop, they heave a huge sigh, and say, “I’m sorry I’m totally stressed about such and such and it’s really not helping my work today.”
Don’t become fixated on an immediate resolution. It can be enough to point out your feelings and move on. Establishing boundaries for acceptable behaviour takes time and requires constant reinforcement. But it is well worth it. And leads to far more efficiency, productivity and satisfaction at work.
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