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In his article for the Atlantic entitled ‘The Nuclear Family was a Mistake’ David Brooks claims that the nuclear family was a, “freakish historical moment where all of society conspired to obscure its essential fragility.” For those who don’t know, the ‘nuclear family’ is the ‘traditional’ view of two parents and 2.5 children living independently of their older generations. It is a highly mobile economic unit where the female parent is confined to the home and the male parent earns 400% more than his parents. Before the nuclear family we had the ‘extended family’. A multi-generational group of mostly family members who lived in larger households or close proximity. This type of family group provided a great deal of support for the raising of children, maintenance of the home and it avoided loneliness. Until wages fell in the 1970s the detached nuclear family was able to purchase this extra support. But as we moved forward, the nuclear family became the province of first the middle-income earners and finally the high-income earners. In short, the family unit – as it had become – broke down for all those who couldn’t afford childcare, a domestic worker and therapy. This doesn’t take into account the ‘chosen family’. Those – often non-heterosexual or 'multi-sexual' – families who choose to live in a close family unit but are bound by something as great as or greater than child rearing or blood. Chosen families tend to be larger, like those of the old-fashioned extended family and they even hark back to the more ancient ‘bands’ where larger groups lived together as a family, yet kinship only accounted for about ten percent of the group. Fairly recently we have begun to witness a return to the extended family. Economic considerations have bitten hard enough to make children move back in with their parents and parents move in with their children. Although this may seem like a potential nightmare for some, it is an established psychological theory that multi-generational dinner tables are hugely beneficial for bringing up children. So, if it makes sense for you and your parents, don’t be surprised or ashamed, embrace it, we’ve done it before and in many ways, it makes a lot of sense to do it again. If for any reason it is not possible, think of the chosen families mentioned above. A family group isn’t necessarily one bonded entirely by blood, and in fact, a group bonded by something as pure as love and understanding, may even be a stronger, more resilient and have a less ‘inevitable’ feel to it.
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