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For most children, it’s impossible to see their mother as anything other than a superhero. As children get older the edifice of perfection is less and less clear but somehow the expectation remains. On top of this mums get blamed for everything. Not only by their own children, family members, friends, or strangers but also by themselves. As a child you learn to mine this guilt. As an adult it is important to ask yourself if this mining has become part of your habitual automaticity. Also, you don’t know your mum’s history. Considering the epoch she grew up in she undoubtedly experienced sexism, the glass ceiling, misogyny, and it is likely she was sexually harassed and not unlikely she was sexually assaulted. Damage from traumatic events can manifest at any time, in many forms and for no apparent reason. We are never truly able to walk in anyone else’s shoes, so while some of your mum’s actions may seem outright bonkers, you must consider that in the moment those actions made the most sense and may well have been undertaken for your benefit. Of course, there are mums who made mistakes, there are even bad mums, but mostly, thankfully, mums are just doing the very best they can, often at great sacrifice. So, let’s hear it for the mums! Well done mums. We love you. We hear you. We miss you. And mums, be clear to yourselves, “It’s not my fault. I’m not to blame.” Take a deep breath. Close your eyes. And bathe yourself in a never ending waterfall of self-love and absolution. You deserve it and frankly it's way overdue.
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