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Let’s state for and on the record that if you have been harmed or injured as a result of a crime, accident, or other event then you are a victim. Doing something about it is your right, your duty to yourself and you should feel free to request and require the fullest support from the rest of us. But what happens when you are indulging in ‘victimhood’ or more accurately ‘the victim mentality’? And how do we spot the difference? Two major contributing factors to the victim mentality are the automatic habitual stress reaction cycle and when we react by drawing a subliminal parallel from an unresolved traumatic event. The first contributing factor is the easiest to spot and to deal with. For me personally, it almost feels like my monkey mind is uttering complete sentences, “Why did she not say hello to me? What have I done wrong? What’s her problem?” Note that, “What have I done wrong?” is just as much making oneself the victim as, “What’s her problem?” and “Why did she not say hello to me?” From our mindfulness training, we remember our method of breaking the stress reaction cycle. Take any piece of the cycle: the thought, the emotion, or the physical sensation; draw your non-judgemental attention to it; and you will disrupt the cycle allowing you to once again participate fully and correctly in the unfolding present moment. The subliminal contributing factor is both harder to spot and more difficult to resolve. You will need time and patience and almost certainly the correct professional help. For me, the internal process contrasts with that of the stress reaction cycle by being much more ‘instant’ and much more ‘physical’ than ‘verbal’. To unlock this, maintain your practice, be kind to yourself, and evaluate your behaviour both in the moment and retrospectively. If you and your professional person concur you are drawing parallels that are verifiably not there, the next time you notice yourself indulging, summon all your patience, courage and strength; and judiciously express your feelings, and perhaps even your reasons, to disconnect yourself from the victim mentality. It’s not easy, and you might not always manage, but refusing to be the victim of your past and refusing to be a victim in the moment will eventually work perfectly together to build a stronger more stable and more powerful self.
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