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I have been perceived as a male my whole life and experienced men sharing stories about women in all-male settings multiple times. Most recently I was on a yacht learning to sail with three other men. At times discussions of women veered into disrespectful territory. No one actually said anything misogynistic, but why do men still talk about women like this? Women do behave badly sometimes. But it struck me I’ve never heard men share specific examples. Negative talk of women tended to be generic, “My misses went ballistic last night,” instead of specific, “My wife called me an arsehole yesterday because I forgot to buy some aubergine.” It made me wonder if there is something unproductive about supressing the detail of negative partner experience. By not sharing detail do men unknowingly nurture a toxic view based on a general unaddressed feeling of aggrievement? Could men ameliorate an important piece of misogyny by exploring specific examples of negative behaviour in an all-male setting? I would like all the men who read this newsletter and have experienced any of the following from their intimate partner to dispassionately and nonjudgmentally explore an exact relation of the events within a male group: - Unwarranted shouting, screaming and/or profanity
- Refusal to discuss issues calmly, productively, a tendency to point score, be abusive during discussion or a tendency to argue rather than discuss
- Smashing objects or other physical violence
- Unrelenting or unwarranted criticism, correction or micro management
- Criticism, ridicule, constant correcting or abuse whilst among friends and/or relatives
Perhaps, if more men were constructive about their experience with negative behaviour, they could explore ways in which to nurture not only men’s love and respect for women but also discuss interventions for relationships where boundaries have become blurred or acceptable behaviour has become undefined. I firmly believe that ninety percent of all negative behaviour (female or male) has a cause, and that these causes can be better explored once ground rules for productive sharing (amongst men, women and partners) are established.
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